One Way That Matters, Another That Doesn't
by UnderdogHero
Summary: It was one of those phases that you didn't want happening, when life just seemed like it wanted to mess with you and make you feel miserable. When there's someone you like, and you're pretty sure they don't like you. Manami hits this phase and isn't quite sure what to do about it. Luckily, he has someone to support him.


A/N: It took me roughly... three months to upload this? I don't know, something like that. I had to get this looked at before I was happy with it, because I don't usually write in this style.

But down to business. I was skimming(yes, _skimming_) through Ao3, when this idea popped into my head. Manami became an immediate favorite of mine(even before I started the series) and the shipper inside me didn't want to give up, so this is the best I can do for now.

**.**

It was strange, the pain he was feeling.

Manami watched as Arakita and Toudou argued, both yelling at the top of their lungs and visibly pissed. The topic of the fight had been lost by now, warped into something about ugly headbands and dentures - at this he couldn't help but laugh, which went unheard over his senior's voices - and pure nonsense that no one could make out anymore.

Which was fine by him, he was just happy watching. If he spoke up, Arakita's anger would most likely be redirected at him; while he didn't mind this, he'd rather stay on the older boy's good side.

Or as close as possible. He was already pretty far away as it was.

**.**

A week later - and having skimmed through a few girl's manga - he figured he must be in love.

Manami looked up from his current research material - borrowed from Miyahara, although she insisted he use a book cover for some reason. Something about reputation? - to his fuming senior. He didn't know why the boy's mood was so bad today, but it was enough for him to notice the moment he walked out of the locker room. He had considered leaving the book in his locker, but it wasn't like he was worried about getting caught. He could make up an excuse, and they'd probably take it.

Arakita was yelling again, this time at some unfortunate first year and Manami felt just _slightly_ jealous. Only a little. Maybe.

But Arakita's voice kept rising in volume and Manami couldn't help but flinch at the sound. He was going to ruin his voice at this point.

Their eyes met a moment later, and Manami couldn't help but look away. Then the older boy was in front of him, snatching the book away - glancing at the page he was on with a look of disgust - and ordering him back to practice.

In his defense, he probably could have kept reading even on his bike.

**.**

Another week, and by now he was sure it was love.

The revelation was a bit unsettling.

He knew how, despite how crude and unapproachable he was, Arakita was relatively popular with the school's female population. Maybe not as much as someone like Toudou or Shinkai, but he knew the ace's assistant had a decent fanbase.

That was probably the least of his worries, right under the obvious ones.

For one thing, he didn't know if his upperclassman even_ liked_ guys. And he wasn't going to just walk up to him and ask - as straightforward as he could be, he knew when he was pushing limits.

Second, Arakita didn't seem like he was looking for a relationship, so even if he _did_ happen to swing that way the chances of Manami having his feelings reciprocated were extremely low.

This, and most important, he was pretty sure the raven-haired boy didn't like him. He voiced it often, so much that Manami wondered how he could have developed feelings for that kind of person. But he supposed it just happens, since he's never felt this type of pain before.

He didn't really like the pain of being in love. Instead of feeling alive, he felt like he was dying far too slowly.

**.**

The next few days were spent with his mind elsewhere and his upperclassmen were starting to notice.

The first one to confront him about it was Toudou.

The older climber always seemed to know when Manami was having trouble, though when he mentioned it he'd simply been given a haughty look and claimed it was "climber's instincts". He didn't understand what the boy was talking about, and passed it of as another of Toudou's oddities. But his concern was clear, and after a tiring conversation ending with Manami promising to go to thim if there was anything wrong he finally let it go. He felt bad for lying, but he didn't want to say anything before he really knew what was going on.

The next one was Izumida. He supposed that their closer age made him notice faster than the others, or he just decided to speak up sooner. Regardless, he'd asked Manami to join him in his workouts during practice. Manami didn't mind - he'd always found Izumida's workout fun - until the subject came up. Although it was a little easier to dismiss than it was with Toudou, the sprinter didn't look very convinced when Manami insisted he was simply worried about his grades. It was probably the worst excuse he could have made, but it was logical, so Izumida left it at that.

When Shinkai approached him, he was able to change the subject easier than the other two. He'd simply redirected the conversation to the red-head's pet rabbit, and it went on from there.

He was out of excuses by the time Fukutomi and Arakita pulled him aside, before practice one day.

Well, it wasn't that he'd run out, but it was hard to think of a believable one when the root of his problem was standing right before him. It wasn't like he could outright say, "It's Arakita-san's fault" because that would send all the wrong messages. Worse yet, the older boy would definitely demand answers, and Manami wasn't sure how long he'd be able to keep his mouth shut.

He managed - somehow - by explaining that he hadn't been feeling well the past few days and that he was sure it'd pass over soon. His voice was strained enough that they'd believe him; though not from the reasons they thought. The conversation simply ended with Fukutomi's nod off assurance and Arakita telling him to "get the fuck over what's wrong with you. All of it!"

Easier said than done.

**.**

Within the next hour, he finds himself unable to climb more than one slope.

At the end of practice, he comes up from the back of the group, panting, unable to breathe, and for some reason everything was really blurry.

He grips at his chest when he realizes the last part, partly in shock but mostly in fear. It's a pain he hasn't felt since he was a child, long before he started cycling. It was the same kind that kept him from attending school, sent him to the hospital more times than he could count, and made him feel _dead_.

It wasn't the kind of pain he liked. There was no meaning behind it, other than the fact that he might have overworked himself more than usual. He wondered why, briefly, before he noticed the ground was a lot closer than he remembered it being.

He wakes to find Toudou sitting beside his bed in the nurses office, face full of worry and relief but Manami can't help the disappointed sigh that escapes him when the older boy explains that it was him that carried Manami when he collapsed.

Toudou isn't confused, or offended, and just gives him a sympathetic smile instead before taking him home.

**.**

Another two days pass, and the third years are teasing Arakita about a love letter.

Manami doesn't let the terror show on his face - he hopes he doesn't - and simply congratulates his upperclassman with a bright smile, earning himself a smack on the side of the head.

The conversation slowly shifts back to cycling, but some of the older riders are still taking jabs at Arakita. Manami tries not to let it get to him, and manages to make his rounds easy enough.

It doesn't completely hit him until Arakita is called away, while they're in the locker room, by the same girl that sent him the letter.

He feels a different kind of pain this time, when he watches the two talk from his view at the window. They just happened to be in his line of sight, but he could see the joy on the girl's face - she's pretty, he admits, with her wavy maroon hair and sparkling green eyes - and how Arakita awkwardly scratches his head. Something inside him feels like it's breaking, and he takes his time changing until it's only him and Toudou left in the room.

When he walks to the door, Toudou stops him, and he has that same sympathetic look in his eyes and Manami realizes _he knows_. He knows, and he's not looking at Manami with any disgust or fear, just an understanding that he realizes is something he needs.

It's less than five minutes later that he's sobbing loudly into the older boy's shoulder, gripping his uniform shirt tightly while the words spill out of his mouth. He tells Toudou everything, because not only is he unable to hold back any longer but because it's _Toudou_, who's always nice to him, helps him with his homework when he needs it, gives him food on days he's too pressed for time and cash for his own, and he loves the boy in a different way he says he loves Arakita.

And Toudou just stands there, listening to him cry his heart out while stroking his hair and rubbing his back in a comforting way that makes the blue-haired boy calm down after everything is said.

He pulls back, and he's given another smile that he's sure he would have fallen for if he'd seen it before the year started, before he joined the club.

Before he'd laid eyes on someone else.

But right now, his tears are being brushed away by someone he considers his older brother - or, if he felt like teasing the boy, his _mother_ \- and the pain fades slightly at the touch. He smiled.

"I think I love Toudou-san." He says, and at Toudou's amused yet slightly confused look, he added; "In a different way that matters."

**.**

The next day, his suspicions are confirmed; Arakita is dating the girl, though he won't say anything on the subject.

During lunch, he's dragged to Toudou's classroom to eat with him, and Manami thinks it's the older boy's way of cheering him up. He's even given a box of lunch, which he appreciates because he didn't sleep _at all_ last night, and happily accepts the offer.

He regrets it when he sees Arakita sitting at his seat by the window, his new girlfriend across from him and talking animatedly. He doesn't seem to be listening, but just the scene and how natural they look makes him stop in his tracks.

Toudou stops too - they'd been holding hands, something he didn't find as awkward as he should have - and follows his gaze, before cursing under his breath and quickly turning around. They end up in a corner of the courtyard, and Toudou starts apologizing, saying he didn't know and that he should have expected it, but none of it matter much anymore. The damage had been done, and somehow he felt worse than he had that morning.

**.**

Another week, and they learn Arakita has broken up with his girlfriend.

"-little bitch just wanted to parade around the school with someone, didn't give two fucks who it was."

He wasn't sure whether he was supposed to be happy about this news or not, because it didn't really tell him anything about his chances with the fuming male.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Toudou shaking his head, fixing his hair in the mirror that sat in the middle of his locker. He crossed his arms, and wheh Manami peeked over his shoulder he saw five headbands lined up. It seemed like he was trying to choose.

With little hesitation, he reached out and picked up a purple one with a blue star just above where his ear would be.

"This one looks good." He said when Toudou raised an eyebrow. The older boy considered his choice for a moment before smiling and taking the accessory and fixing it onto his head. He shifted his bangs around for a moment, turning his head side to side, before puffing out his chest in satisfaction.

"Not bad." He said, and Manami vaguely wondered who he was talking to.

**.**

"Do you want to make him jealous?"

They were in Toudou's room now, supposedly doing homework, but it wasn't like either of them were interested at the moment.

Manami simply blinks, letting the question process - these math equations he'd been attempting for the past hour must have fried his brain - before he realizes who Toudou is talking about.

"_Arakita_, dummy." The older boy says playfully. Manami thought about it for a moment, but the three problems he'd figured weeks ago were probably what compelled him to answer.

"He doesn't like me." He said, ignoring the way those four words cut into his heart like a hot knife. Toudou huffed in annoyance, before standing up and walking over to where Manami sat at his desk.

"Then we give him a reason to." He said, before tilting Manami's head up with his thumb and index finger. He turned the boy's head this way and that, and Manami just closed his eyes and let his senior work. Toudou always knew what he was doing when it came to stuff like this, so Manami decided to put his trust in him.

Maybe he'd just grown used to Toudou's presence by now, but he didn't really mind when he was forced into twenty different outfits from the room's - surprisingly large - closet.

Though he did question the need to take pictures.

**.**

When Toudou brought up the idea of pretending to be dating, Manami didn't question that either.

It seemed like Toudou was having fun with it anyway, and he didn't even bother hiding their "relationship" from their teammates.

"Are you two dating or something?" It was Shinkai that asked, and while only Izumida had visibly given them his attention, he could tell that Fukutomi and - most importantly - Arakita were listening. Toudou grinned and threw an arm over Manami's shoulder, pulling him close.

"How'd you guess?" He said cheekily. It wasn't like they'd done anything couple-like anyway, but Toudou seemed to stick to Manami more than he used to since they started this... whatever it was.

Shinkai scratched his cheek and looked between the two. Manami wondered for a second if he'd seen through them, but decided it didn't matter if Shinkai knew, since h probably wouldn't say anything.

"Just a feeling." He said finally. He shrugged it off and returned to his energy bars, apparently deciding it wasn't something that needed his immediate attention.

He felt eyes on him the whole time during practice though, and vaguely wondered if Toudou was right.

**.**

"Hey, Toudou-san?"

Said boy was currently looking through his vast collection of headbands, attempting to decide on the ones he'd wear tomorrow.

After a few minutes he finally settled on the ones he wanted, carefully placing them in his school bag and giving Manami his full attention again.

"Why are you doing all this?"

A look of mild surprise flashed across his face, before it was replaced by a small, sad smile.

In the next instant, Manami had his eyes covered by a single hand, and he felt something soft press against his lips.

It was then that _he_ knew, and it made his heart ache in a new way.

**.**

He's stopped counting how long it's been now.

The school year was just a good three months from being over, and while it felt like enough time for tying up loose ends, Manami was dreading the day of his senior's graduation. The thought of them being _gone_ in less than half a year was frightening, if only because he'd grown attached through the races they'd rode together.

Two of them in particular.

He didn't think often about how Toudou had kissed him. It just made him hurt inside in all the wrong ways that he couldn't figure out.

But it hurt less to look at Arakita now, his heart didn't constrict in the same way it did when he found out he was dating that girl, nor when he found out they'd broken up. Instead it just fluttered a little, and he wondered if these weeks in between had something to do with it.

**.**

The night of the third year's graduation, Manami spends what he thinks will be his last night in Toudou's room. He hasn't said anything about his plans for the future, but Manami figures it's not that easy to decide.

His gift to the older boy had been a headband with a dolphin on the side, to which he'd gotten a grin and his hair ruffled.

They'd hardly spoken the whole night afterwards, while Manami helped him pack up books and clothes and other things he wasn't paying attention to because something in the back of his mind was telling him to stop, to be angry that Toudou was leaving him, and that if he didn't act soon he'd be alone again.

When it finallt came time to sleep, he didn't object to sleeping next to Toudou in the bed. It was like they'd done before, only this time there was a tension in the air that made him think that neither of them would be sleeping until _someone_ said something.

Manami didnt shift away from or deny the arms that wrapped around him, nor to the forehead that pressed against his own.

"Toudou-san?"

There was a small sound that he supposed meant for him to continue.

"Do you love me?"

He waited until clear blue eyes opened and stared back at him. Seconds passed, and his answer came in the form of a soft kiss pressed to his forehead. Once the older boy closed his eyes again, Manami found himself shuffling closer until his head fit under the older boy's chin.

"It took a while," He started, smiling slightly. "But I think I've figured it out."

"As I thought, I love Toudou-san in a way that matters."

**.**

A/N: FINALLY shit I'm sleepy. I went back an edited this one last time after having it checked(both to change the note from three months ago and fix any mistakes, which I found a lot of) just to be sure, but it's _done_.

Anyway, the original idea of this fic was that Manami liked Arakita, and Toudou was supposed to help it happen... but then my mind went elsewhere, I had a conversation, and this happened. Can't say I'm not happy with how this ended though, though I'm worried about how I wrote the characters in here. But this is technically practice, and nothing ends up the way you want it to on paper(or word pad).


End file.
